Friday, 13 January 2012

Are Your Beliefs Holding You Back From What You Want?

Working with a client this morning prompted me to write this blog.

My client recognised that for all of her adult life to date she had been rebelling against her parent's frugal behaviour with money when she was a child.

One particular vivid memory was: 'My Mum used her own baking chocolate on cheap plain biscuits' and 'I decided then that I would always be in a position that meant being able to buy nice tasting biscuits'.

My client recognised she had behaved at the opposite extreme of spending all her money quickly based on one belief that 'I shouldn't have money' and another 'I feel more comfortable when I do not have money'.

Our beliefs are very powerful and do an excellent job at determining our behaviour even when we don't consciously want to carry out a particular behaviour

Does this sound familiar?

What behaviours do you want to change because on a conscious intellectual level you know that the behaviour is stupid or childish?

If we are not able to make changes at a conscious level then we need to look to our unconscious beliefs for evidence of what is driving the unwanted behaviour, such as, spending all of our money.

When I asked my client what she wanted she said: 'To take more pleasure from saving personally and at work' and 'To strike a balance between spending and saving'.

Our core beliefs about ourselves, others and the world we live in are often formed before we are 10 years old.

In order to make changes in our behaviour we need to work on changing our beliefs.

How do we do that?

I help my clients using a combination of Solution Focused questioning to understand what they wants - specifically:
Stop for a moment and write down a list of unwanted behaviours which you have noticed yourself doing in the last month.

Think about which beliefs you currently have which are driving those behaviours.

Think about why you want to change - What do you have to gain? This will help to rev up your motivational intent.

Start by doing the visualisation exercise on my previous blog - Visualisation Is Key To Making Your Changes Stick.

In the next few days, as you think of this more, you will - often quite subconsciously - start to think about what you need to do to make the changes that you want to make for yourself.

If you have found this blog to be useful please leave a comment or if you would like help please get in touch via our website at West of England Coaching and Counselling, via email at or by calling us on our confidential answering machine service at 01761 237 400.

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