Changing Your Role in Life

Are you fed up with your current role in life, feel that the same things keep recurring and the same behaviours keep repeating themselves? 

You may have reached a point where you feel really uncomfortable - even desperate to change things?

Perhaps you have set some goals and taken some action but you haven't actually changed your deeper beliefs, rules for life and you feel incongruent - like you are living someone else's life almost.

Perhaps you have been doing it all for someone else to make them happy - a parent or spouse - to meet their expectations or what you think their expectations are.

For years my role in the script of my life ran along the lines of doing a job that would make my father proud of me and for years I felt like a square peg in a round hole.

'That's just stupid' I eventually thought. Perhaps you can relate?

I went through a transformation from old to new role in the script where I eventually felt that I was being my authentic self.

My old beliefs were that I would never be good enough - 'I will have to work really hard because I am not clever and on my own because I cannot rely on others, to prove to my Dad that I am good enough and lovable'.

My new beliefs are different - I am and always have been good enough and I can reach out for support whenever I want to.

I prioritise and balance my life so that I am working hard enough and I do something just for me every day - for me it's usually exercise and preparing a fresh meal that make me feel good.

Above all, I remind myself that I am doing good work helping others and that I earn my oxygen, that people respect me and that I am loved just as I am.

My new beliefs have given me peace of mind. 

So, what new beliefs can you start to have that will help you to change your role in your life?

• Know that everything is happening for a reason and everything is as it should be even when you think this could not possibly be true. Believe it and ask for the strength and courage to be able to see it as true.
  
  
• Aim to change the things you can, accept the things you cannot change and know the difference.
  
  
• Stop beating yourself up for anything you feel you have 'failed at' - failure is only failure if you let it keep you down.
  
  
• If you do things in life sometimes you will fail - learn from it and move on.
  
  
• Be flexible and prepared to let go of the battle to have things your way all of the time.
  
  
• Be honest about the depth of your anger or depression and take action that is helpful to your health and well-being.
  
  
• Be kind to you. Know that we are all flawed, imperfect and spend some time getting to know the real you again - maybe go for a walk on your own at least once a week and do some soul searching.
  
  
• Enjoy the journey, what is happening around you now - the sights, the sounds and enjoy the fact that you are alive, awake and here to experience life on your path at a lovely pace that is just right for you.
  
  
• Expect obstacles on your path and curve balls will continue to be thrown. By expecting these problems you can handle them as best you can whilst still focusing on everything that you are grateful for.
  
  
• Offer gratitude even when you want to do the opposite - moan, complain, cry. When you can connect with a true feeling of gratitude, even when you’re in the midst of massive pain it helps.
  
  
• Find a form of meditation that works for you and aim to just be, letting any thoughts pass without analysis.
  
  
• Let your new role evolve in a time that is appropriate for you - transformation can take years because it is a journey.

Please let me know your thoughts and feelings by writing a comment on this blog and please get in touch via our website at West of England Coaching and Counselling. 

Being Happy

For all of my clients 'being happy' is at the heart of their goals and objectives whether these relate to work, personal or life in general.

This blog lays out quite simply my thoughts on how to 'be happy' or any other state for that matter - peaceful, focused, hedonistic, confident...

States such as happiness are nominalisations i.e. what is happiness to you is different to what is happiness to me.

Firstly, we need to work out what happiness - or peaceful or confidence - is to you in the context that you want it, for example, in your career.

We do this by answering the following questions:

• What would you notice if you were happy in your career that you have control over? For example, a different boss may not be realistic if you want to stay in your current role.
• What would be different to what you are currently experiencing that you have control over?
• What would you see, hear and feel that would tell you that you are happy in your role?
• What would you realisitcally be doing if you were happy in your role?

Having identified what 'Being Happy' means to you, in the context in which you want it, the next step is really to simply 'Be Happy'.

You can 'Be Happy' by acting out the answers to your questions over and over.

Repeating these actions habitually creates a neural pathway in your brain and each repetition reinforces it. Hence the adage 'what you focus on is what you get'.

After reading that you might think 'It's too simple. Things just don't work like that...you can't just be happy'.

Learning new habits is difficult - especially if you haven't walked such a path for many years - but you can do it and you will do it if you are 100% committed to achieve your happiness.

Enjoy this journey and let me know where you end up by responding to this post.

If you would like support on your journey sign up for a Complimentary 'Better Results Today' coaching session at West of England Coaching and Counselling.

Coach Yourself Confident

The most common coaching objective includes an individual wanting to increase their confidence at work and in social situations.

It is really important to know that confidence is a learned behaviour, so in order to increase it we need to practice being confident in the same way that we need to practice to acquire any skill such as riding a bike.

A good starting point is to think about things which you are sure of - where you are already confident - as a foundation on which to build.

List these in an 'Achievement Journal' and every time you take on a challenge - at work or socially - make a note in your journal.

At the end of each month you can read through your journal and be proud. Furthermore, noting - or 'journalling' - your achievements in this way will become a good habit which is easy to keep up.

Being confident does not preclude mistakes - it relates to values which you would not compromise on, such as, defending someone whose life is being threatened.

Also lack of confidence is just a label we give ourselves and it not written through us like words in a stick of rock.

Another tip is to create a strong and leading voice in challenging situations which overrides the 'I can't do' voice.

The best thing to do to sabotage your confidence is to try to please other people. Instead, aim to be respected or interesting or even controversial, not liked.

To practice being confident choose to do something daring. For example, a client of mine recently went speed dating and enjoyed it because he met some interesting people.

Presenting ourselves to others in social situations and big groups is not the fondest way to spend time for many people but if you know how to do it you can make it at least more bearable.

Before you enter any challenging situation - like a business networking event or meeting new people socially - assume the tree pose.

Imagine your feet are rooted to the ground, make your legs strong and tighen your core and then pull your shoulders back and smile with your eyes i.e. with a slightly turned up mouth not grinning like an ape.

Ask open-ended questions which start with 'What' and listen as trite and friendly is all people want when they first meet a new person.

Perhaps most importantly when it comes to building your confidence and surviving in difficult situations, create a mental firewall so you can hear and refuse to be affected by others' negative opinions.

Please do let me know if this blog helps you and please visit our website at West of England Coaching and Counselling.