Are You Living To Your Values?

Do you think there is some disparity between how you are living your life and your values?

I met with a senior manager in a firm this week who was so busy at work that he had not ever taken time to consider this question, let alone answer it.

If you are so busy that you haven't even considered this question, the chances are that what you are doing has started to control you rather than the other way around.

Fine if you are happy.

However, if you are unwell or have started to question 'Who am I doing this for?' then it could be time to ask if you are living your life according to your values.

The starting point is: 'What are your values?'

Your values are: 'What is important to you?'

Examples include health, family, freedom, learning and results.

I would encourage you to focus on your top 5 or so for now.

The next step is to assess your current life against these values by asking yourself the following questions:

• What do I do each day to care for my health so that I am well enough to enjoy my life?
• What amount of time do I dedicate to being with my family and how does this benefit us?
• What am I doing to create freedom in my life?
• What/who/where am I learning from right now?
• What results am I achieving that I am proud of?

Chances are that there will be areas where there is a lack of congruence between what you are doing and what you value.

These areas are signposts for areas that you may well want to change.

The next step is generating a plan to align your values with your life.

For example, if your top value is health what can you do today, this week, this month and this year to improve your health.

If your next top value is freedom what can you do to create more freedom in your life? You will of course need to define what freedom means to you.

For example, if you want financial freedom from an employed job, you will want to think about what your self-employed job could be and draw up a rigorous business plan to ensure you are able to support yourself and any dependents.

You may need a plan to pay off debts before you embark on a journey into the world of self-employment.

It also might be a good idea to include a plan in your business case to go from full-time to part-time in your employed role whilst you start to build up a business of your own.

If you have found this blog to be thought- and action-provoking please leave a comment.

Alternatively, if you need any help or support in this or any other area of your life right now please get in touch through our website West of England Coaching and Counselling.co.uk

Focusing On What Matters To You

I think you could convincingly agrue that the economy mirrors the human drive for material gain and spending money which we do not have.

Something similar happens in our personal lives when we put our own material success before other more important values.

"Too much and too long, we seem to have surrendered community excellence and community values in the mere accumulation of material things,’ said Robert Kennedy during his 1968 election campaign and a few months before he was assassinated in Los Angeles.

"Gross national product counts air pollution and cigarette advertising and ambulances to clear our highways of carnage… yet the gross national product does not allow for the health of our children, the quality of their education or the joy of their play.

"It measures neither our wit nor our courage, neither our wisdom nor our learning, neither our compassion nor our devotion to our country, it measures everything, in short, except that which makes life worthwhile."

Today, a group of Anglo-American economists together with French economist Patrick Viveret are urging that the success of our societies should be measured by the well-being of their citizens rather than by their production of weapons or construction of prisons.

In studying what really makes people happy, they have come up with the following precise recommendations – daily behaviours and activities which do not consume material goods and are pretty recession-proof.

1. Connect with Others – Invest in human relationships. Look on them as the foundations of your life. They will enrich and support you more and more every day.
2. Be Active – Find a way to move your body that’s fun and feels good. When the body is active it manufactures happiness through feel-good chemicals including serotonin.
3. Sharpen Your Awareness of the Present Moment – Be curious. Observe what is beautiful or unusual. Savour the moment that you are living in right now.
4. Keep Learning – Try something new. Take up singing lessons, dancing, playing an instrument, cooking, drawing. Set yourself a goal which you would like to meet. Then take the first step in getting there.
5. Do Something to Help Someone - Imagine your personal happiness is inextricably linked to the happiness of your community and activate the pleasure zones in your brain.

Good luck with this and if you have a success to report from using the advice in this blog then please let leave a comment.

If you would like to learn more about the life coaching services which we provide them please get in touch via our website at West of England Coaching and Counselling.

Do You Want To Be Happier?

If you want to be happier then you may be interested to hear what the Greek philosophers thought on this subject.

Without complicating things and going into detail about the thoughts of individual Greek philosophers, I think there is some general agreement from these early thinkers about the factors which contribute to human happiness.

Their thoughts on the subject are outlined and listed below for you to reflect on in relation to your own life:

• See Your Friends Regularly - Those who love you for who and what you are and those who you feel good around
• Freedom - Do you feel free in your life for example to pursue the things that you want in your life such as working at what you enjoy?
• Wisdom - Do you reflect on and deal with your problems and anxieties, have realistic expectations and consider the consequences of big decisions?
• Flexible Beliefs and Behaviour - For example, do you accept pain, loss, hurt and that you can carry on and live your life in a meaningful way achieving fulfilment?
• Confidence - Are you able to stand by your beliefs and not be too influenced by the masses? Do you accept yourself for who and what you are?

A way forward would be to think about whether you agree with their conclusions or not.

If you agree, the next step is to think about whether the factor features strongly in your life.

If it does feature then this is an area to be grateful for and to continue to nourish.

If it does not feature then this may be an area in which you want to develop.

Your options for development include self-development and working with a coach to achieve your development objectives.

If this blog post has helped you in any way let us know how it helped you increase your happiness by leaving a comment.

Alternatively, if you would like support in your goal to be happier then please get in touch via our website at West of England Coaching and Counselling.

How To Be Happy: Enjoy The Simple Things In Life...

So you have set some goals and you are working on them but there is something missing...what happened to enjoying today, now, this moment?

So I am writing this blog to remind you to keep a list of the things that make you happy now - just ordinary everyday things which you may have overlooked for a period like the view from one of your rooms, sunshine, a great meal...

Think about what you already have - Even better list these things in a journal and keep going until you have a full list of all of your blessings.

If you find this hard, think about what you do not have and do not want. Add these to your blessings list.

You may notice that the acquisition of things brings happiness but this is ephemeral. Numerous studies have shown there is nothing sustainable about acquisition - even for high winning Lottery individuals.

There is also something researchers call the Hedonic Treadmill which is when you say "I will be happy when...I have lost weight / got married / started a family / got my face lift etc".

The trouble with this outlook is that once you get used to the next level of status you reach a new norm which in itself becomes unsatisfying - in essence more wants more.

Happiness is not a destination... it's a state of mind. So recognise what you have, smile, enjoy what you are doing today and at the end of the day write down what has gone well in your journal - small things do count.

After all, big events and achievements happen less often.

And remember that whilst it is great to have goals and action plans, it is most important to live in the moment as this is all we have. Life is fragile and short.

If you have found this blog to be useful please let me know and/or get in touch via our website at West of England Coaching and Counselling.

Changing Your Role in Life

Are you fed up with your current role in life, feel that the same things keep recurring and the same behaviours keep repeating themselves? 

You may have reached a point where you feel really uncomfortable - even desperate to change things?

Perhaps you have set some goals and taken some action but you haven't actually changed your deeper beliefs, rules for life and you feel incongruent - like you are living someone else's life almost.

Perhaps you have been doing it all for someone else to make them happy - a parent or spouse - to meet their expectations or what you think their expectations are.

For years my role in the script of my life ran along the lines of doing a job that would make my father proud of me and for years I felt like a square peg in a round hole.

'That's just stupid' I eventually thought. Perhaps you can relate?

I went through a transformation from old to new role in the script where I eventually felt that I was being my authentic self.

My old beliefs were that I would never be good enough - 'I will have to work really hard because I am not clever and on my own because I cannot rely on others, to prove to my Dad that I am good enough and lovable'.

My new beliefs are different - I am and always have been good enough and I can reach out for support whenever I want to.

I prioritise and balance my life so that I am working hard enough and I do something just for me every day - for me it's usually exercise and preparing a fresh meal that make me feel good.

Above all, I remind myself that I am doing good work helping others and that I earn my oxygen, that people respect me and that I am loved just as I am.

My new beliefs have given me peace of mind. 

So, what new beliefs can you start to have that will help you to change your role in your life?

• Know that everything is happening for a reason and everything is as it should be even when you think this could not possibly be true. Believe it and ask for the strength and courage to be able to see it as true.
  
  
• Aim to change the things you can, accept the things you cannot change and know the difference.
  
  
• Stop beating yourself up for anything you feel you have 'failed at' - failure is only failure if you let it keep you down.
  
  
• If you do things in life sometimes you will fail - learn from it and move on.
  
  
• Be flexible and prepared to let go of the battle to have things your way all of the time.
  
  
• Be honest about the depth of your anger or depression and take action that is helpful to your health and well-being.
  
  
• Be kind to you. Know that we are all flawed, imperfect and spend some time getting to know the real you again - maybe go for a walk on your own at least once a week and do some soul searching.
  
  
• Enjoy the journey, what is happening around you now - the sights, the sounds and enjoy the fact that you are alive, awake and here to experience life on your path at a lovely pace that is just right for you.
  
  
• Expect obstacles on your path and curve balls will continue to be thrown. By expecting these problems you can handle them as best you can whilst still focusing on everything that you are grateful for.
  
  
• Offer gratitude even when you want to do the opposite - moan, complain, cry. When you can connect with a true feeling of gratitude, even when you’re in the midst of massive pain it helps.
  
  
• Find a form of meditation that works for you and aim to just be, letting any thoughts pass without analysis.
  
  
• Let your new role evolve in a time that is appropriate for you - transformation can take years because it is a journey.

Please let me know your thoughts and feelings by writing a comment on this blog and please get in touch via our website at West of England Coaching and Counselling. 

Being Happy

For all of my clients 'being happy' is at the heart of their goals and objectives whether these relate to work, personal or life in general.

This blog lays out quite simply my thoughts on how to 'be happy' or any other state for that matter - peaceful, focused, hedonistic, confident...

States such as happiness are nominalisations i.e. what is happiness to you is different to what is happiness to me.

Firstly, we need to work out what happiness - or peaceful or confidence - is to you in the context that you want it, for example, in your career.

We do this by answering the following questions:

• What would you notice if you were happy in your career that you have control over? For example, a different boss may not be realistic if you want to stay in your current role.
• What would be different to what you are currently experiencing that you have control over?
• What would you see, hear and feel that would tell you that you are happy in your role?
• What would you realisitcally be doing if you were happy in your role?

Having identified what 'Being Happy' means to you, in the context in which you want it, the next step is really to simply 'Be Happy'.

You can 'Be Happy' by acting out the answers to your questions over and over.

Repeating these actions habitually creates a neural pathway in your brain and each repetition reinforces it. Hence the adage 'what you focus on is what you get'.

After reading that you might think 'It's too simple. Things just don't work like that...you can't just be happy'.

Learning new habits is difficult - especially if you haven't walked such a path for many years - but you can do it and you will do it if you are 100% committed to achieve your happiness.

Enjoy this journey and let me know where you end up by responding to this post.

If you would like support on your journey sign up for a Complimentary 'Better Results Today' coaching session at West of England Coaching and Counselling.