Are You Living To Your Values?

Do you think there is some disparity between how you are living your life and your values?

I met with a senior manager in a firm this week who was so busy at work that he had not ever taken time to consider this question, let alone answer it.

If you are so busy that you haven't even considered this question, the chances are that what you are doing has started to control you rather than the other way around.

Fine if you are happy.

However, if you are unwell or have started to question 'Who am I doing this for?' then it could be time to ask if you are living your life according to your values.

The starting point is: 'What are your values?'

Your values are: 'What is important to you?'

Examples include health, family, freedom, learning and results.

I would encourage you to focus on your top 5 or so for now.

The next step is to assess your current life against these values by asking yourself the following questions:

• What do I do each day to care for my health so that I am well enough to enjoy my life?
• What amount of time do I dedicate to being with my family and how does this benefit us?
• What am I doing to create freedom in my life?
• What/who/where am I learning from right now?
• What results am I achieving that I am proud of?

Chances are that there will be areas where there is a lack of congruence between what you are doing and what you value.

These areas are signposts for areas that you may well want to change.

The next step is generating a plan to align your values with your life.

For example, if your top value is health what can you do today, this week, this month and this year to improve your health.

If your next top value is freedom what can you do to create more freedom in your life? You will of course need to define what freedom means to you.

For example, if you want financial freedom from an employed job, you will want to think about what your self-employed job could be and draw up a rigorous business plan to ensure you are able to support yourself and any dependents.

You may need a plan to pay off debts before you embark on a journey into the world of self-employment.

It also might be a good idea to include a plan in your business case to go from full-time to part-time in your employed role whilst you start to build up a business of your own.

If you have found this blog to be thought- and action-provoking please leave a comment.

Alternatively, if you need any help or support in this or any other area of your life right now please get in touch through our website West of England Coaching and Counselling.co.uk

Improve Your Health by Breathing Properly

Are you feeling stressed and want a quick tool you can use to address this?

Most people are upper-chest breathers, areas associated with anxiety and stress.

However, if you start breathing from your stomach this induces calm and a relaxed feeling.

To begin practising this sit back at a slight angle - say in a comfortable chair - making sure your neck is supported.

Place your hands on your stomach and breathe in through your nose to about the count of 7 - imagining that your stomach is a balloon and that you are inflating this as you feel your stomach rise.

After a brief pause start breathing out through your nose to about the count of 11 feeling your stomach deflating like the balloon you have envisioned it is.

Repeat this process 3 times and you should feel much more relaxed and - with a bit of practice - now know how to breathe from your stomach.

When you breathe in you are oxygenating your body and giving it energy from stimulating the sympathetic nervous system.

If you feel soreness in any area of your body take your mind there and breathe into that area to direct the oxygen and energy to that place and help the muscles in that area relax.

Most of us have a tight neck or shoulders so directing energy to these area will help to loosen them.

When you breathe out you are detoxifying and relaxing by stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system.

Just carry out this exercise whenever you think of it, for example, when you get in from work.

Research shows that since breathing is the best tool we have for relaxing quickly it also helps us to stay in control of our behaviours, such as, not giving in to comfort eating. How great is that?

Please let me know how you get on with this by leaving a message.

If you would like to know more about stress and anxiety management then please get in touch via our website at West of England Coaching and Counselling.

Yo-Yo Dieting: Eating, Food and All That...

Are you someone who has always had an issue with food such as yo-yoing between dieting and overeating?

Perhaps you want to work on this area of your life yourself once and for all and maintain your optimum weight.

If this is your plan then here is my list of top tips to help you to get started:

1. Monitor Your Habits - Are you a 'sit on the couch in the evening and eat person?' or do you tend to 'raid the fridge after a bad/good day at work?'
   
   Think about what you might do instead. For example, if you are the first type of person could you watch less TV and when you're watching TV perhaps only have a handful of unsalted nuts instead of a packet of biscuits.
   
   If you fall into the latter category you may use exercise for reward or to 'let go' of a bad day.
   
2. Are You Starving Yourself to Lose Weight  - Are you eating very little and finding that you don't lose any weight? When you try this tactic you are literally putting your body into starvation mode which causes it to hold on to all of the calories you put into your body - leaving you starved of energy but maintaining your weight.
   
   The best tip that I can give you is to eat protein at each of your three meals, such as, low-fat Greek yoghurt for breakfast with your fresh fruit and lean meat and fish for lunch and dinner.
   
3. Don't Cut Out What You Enjoy - You'll find by not cutting out what you enjoy your weight is more likely to stay on track for life. For example, if chocolate is your thing have it just once or twice a week rather than every day and at 100g a time - even better if you opt for dark chocolate with a high cocoa percentage of say 70%+.
   
   If wine is your thing perhaps have a boundary of Friday and Saturday drinking of say two standard 175ml glasses on each of those nights. This will stop you craving and undoubtedly binging.
   
4. Keep Your Eating Varied to Stop Weight Plateaus - The Caveman Diet is best for a healthy diet leaving you feeling full of energy. This amounts to lean protein, fruit and vegetables, nuts, seeds and whole grains.
   
   Why not have whole porridge oats with some fruit and seeds plus spices such as ginger and cinnamon, water then microwave it for a couple of minutes before adding a little Greek yoghurt?
   
   You could have brown rice with chiecken and vegetables and swap your normal jacket spud for a sweet potato lower in starchy carbs and a great source of energy?
   
5. Take Time to Eat and Really Enjoy Your Food - This gives you the time to register fullness so aim to chew each mouthful of food 15 times or so before swallowing. A lot of the digestive process is eased by this so you will avoid feeling bloated as well.

I wish you every success in your goal and would love to hear about your experience.

For all of your coaching and counselling needs please do get in touch via our website at West of England Coaching and Counselling.

Focusing On What Matters To You

I think you could convincingly agrue that the economy mirrors the human drive for material gain and spending money which we do not have.

Something similar happens in our personal lives when we put our own material success before other more important values.

"Too much and too long, we seem to have surrendered community excellence and community values in the mere accumulation of material things,’ said Robert Kennedy during his 1968 election campaign and a few months before he was assassinated in Los Angeles.

"Gross national product counts air pollution and cigarette advertising and ambulances to clear our highways of carnage… yet the gross national product does not allow for the health of our children, the quality of their education or the joy of their play.

"It measures neither our wit nor our courage, neither our wisdom nor our learning, neither our compassion nor our devotion to our country, it measures everything, in short, except that which makes life worthwhile."

Today, a group of Anglo-American economists together with French economist Patrick Viveret are urging that the success of our societies should be measured by the well-being of their citizens rather than by their production of weapons or construction of prisons.

In studying what really makes people happy, they have come up with the following precise recommendations – daily behaviours and activities which do not consume material goods and are pretty recession-proof.

1. Connect with Others – Invest in human relationships. Look on them as the foundations of your life. They will enrich and support you more and more every day.
2. Be Active – Find a way to move your body that’s fun and feels good. When the body is active it manufactures happiness through feel-good chemicals including serotonin.
3. Sharpen Your Awareness of the Present Moment – Be curious. Observe what is beautiful or unusual. Savour the moment that you are living in right now.
4. Keep Learning – Try something new. Take up singing lessons, dancing, playing an instrument, cooking, drawing. Set yourself a goal which you would like to meet. Then take the first step in getting there.
5. Do Something to Help Someone - Imagine your personal happiness is inextricably linked to the happiness of your community and activate the pleasure zones in your brain.

Good luck with this and if you have a success to report from using the advice in this blog then please let leave a comment.

If you would like to learn more about the life coaching services which we provide them please get in touch via our website at West of England Coaching and Counselling.

Health and Well-Being Coaching

Do you feel that you want to improve your health and well-being and want some simple strategy which works in a sustainable way?

I am Type 1 Diabetic and was diagnosed when I was 37 years old.

This life change forced me to look at food as fuel rather than anything else, such as, 'something to do when bored, stressed or celebrating'.

I wanted to know what foods would satisfy me and keep my blood sugars even rather than spiking up and down. I did a lot of research and self-experimenting to find out what foods made me feel good.

The Caveman Diet works well for fuel - if it walks, grows or swims you can eat it.

Fresh fruit, vegetables, lean protein, nuts and seeds, are all you need. Try just eating these foods for 5 days and notice how your stomach looks less bloated and how you feel more energised.

I learned that sugar - refined and processed - is poison to my body and mind with long-term toxic complications which could cause me blindness, loss of limbs, heart problems etc.

I learned that drinking more than one to two glasses of wine a couple of nights a week impacted my sleep, making me tired the next day and more likely to reach for something processed rather than whole perishable foods.

I learned that sugar is present in bread, cereals, wheat, rice, pasta, milk, dry beans, processed food and bought soups. Eating these foods caused blood sugar swings, mood swings, tiredness and sluggishness.

We are all different. You will want to set your own boundaries around food and alcohol. Do your own experimenting.

My own experience has taught me that we tend not to overindulge in whole healthy foods like fish, chicken, vegetables, salad and fresh fruit because these satisfy us and keep us full for longer.

We do tend to overindulge in breads and other carbs because they cause sugar dips and spikes encouraging us to eat more to get the next spike when in a dip. Removing them completely avoids this vicious circle.

My biggest tip is that since your beliefs drive your behaviour, believing the content of this blog will help you to do what you want and feel well.

Let me know if this simple strategy is helpful by leaving a comment perhaps after you have given the 5 day trial a go.

For all of your life changing goals we are totally committed to help you to get what you want.

Take your first step by contacting us through our website at West of England Coaching and Counselling.

How Do I Change When I Have 'Failed' In The Past?

Making a change in your life I think is predominantly down to 2 interlinked factors.


The first is your motivation and the second your confidence in terms of whether you think you will be able make the change you are looking for which in itself is usually impacted by your previous experiences.

For example, if you want to change the way you look and feel - and possibly what people say to you - by losing weight.

You may have attempted this many times before but ultimately you have always ended back at your starting weight or perhaps even heavier.

Your confidence is therefore low in this regard because previous experience tells you that you 'have failed' and as a result your motivation to change is also at a low.

So what do you do? Ignore the thing you want to change - your weight in this case - and continue to be dissatisfied and disrespectful of yourself?

Unwittingly, this impacts other areas of your life. For example, you wear clothes that are 'frumpy' and this negatively impacts your self-esteem.

This then impacts your work - perhaps how you communicate - such as holding back at meetings, not asserting yourself and so on.

The good news is that if you are reading this then you are demonstrating some real commitment to positive change.

More good news...

You can strengthen your commitment to change by strengthening your intent.

We know intent.

Think of a time when you said you were going to do something, such as, go to the gym, and this time you meant it and you did it.

And you can strengthen your intent so that this current change you want to make happens.

How?

By following a strategy put forward by leading life coach Anthony 'Tony' Robbins ('By standing on the shoulders of giants and success leaves clues') which has worked for others and I think includes the following 4 key criteria for success:

1. Exploring in full what is driving this change you want to make and asking yourself questions including:
   
   What will happen if I do make the change? What won't happen if I don't make the change? What will be so much better when I make the change? If I don't make the change what will be the impact on my personal, work and social life?
   
   You know you are making progress when the prospect of not changing is so uncomfortable that you feel that you must and will change.
   
2. Having a positive, specific and measurable goal that is realistic, sustainable and set over a practical time period. Aligned, if possible, with a key event that you want to achieve your goal by, such as, a key work or family event
   
3. By imagining yourself having achieved your goals and seeing your success as a realistic possibility.
   
   For example, it is February 2nd, 2012, the day of x work event and I have reached my target weight of 12 stone.
   
   As I wake I feel fantastic because I am seeing people this evening that I haven't seen for some time and I know I will feel great when they say how healthy and well I look.
   
   As I get dressed in front of the mirror I see a person who looks after themselves and I'm absolutely delighted to be wearing a fitted suit which flatters my physique. I give myself an approving smile as I stand tall and look confident...........
   
4. There is an old adage that every journey begins with the first step. This is the biggest step the step of any decision.
   
   My message here is to go at your own pace, taking a small step each day such as....
   
   Day 1: Get a pedometer and track the number of steps I take
   Day 2. Beat yesterday's steps by 300.
   
   Many people try to do it all at once and end up failing. Aim to make changes that you can sustain and build into your life without having to do something that you will resent, such as, taking a formal gym programme

So have a go at this strategy and let me know how you get on. Of course, if you want support in achieving your goal we are 100% committed to help you so do get in touch via our website West of England Coaching and Counselling.

Managing Stress Through Helpful Questions

When you find yourself on the 'tipping point' of becoming stressed with all the dreadful feelings and behaviour that usually ensue STOP and take a deep breath.


Now, ask yourself the following questions (they work for me and I truly was a big stress-head!):

1. What am I reacting to?
2. What is it that I think is going to happen here?
3. Is this fact?
4. What's the worst (and best) that could happen? What's most likely to happen?
5. What would I like to happen - my outcome?
6. How helpful is it for me to think this way?
7. Am I getting things out of proportion? 
8. Is it worth it?
9. How important is this really? How important will it be in a month's time? 
10. What meaning am I giving this situation?
11. Can I see that this meaning is inflexible?
12. Am I overestimating the threat?
13. Am I underestimating my ability to cope?
14. Have I got my ‘stress-head’ on?
15. What do I look like to other people? How am I affecting them?
16. Am I mind-reading what others might be thinking?
17. Am I believing I can predict the future?
18. Is there another way of looking at this?
19. What advice would I give someone else in this situation?
20. Am I putting more pressure on myself?
21. Just because I feel bad, doesn't mean things really are bad.
22. Can I do things any differently here?
23. How much can I control in this situation? What is outside of my control?
24. What changes (however small) can I make to those things that I am able to control?
25. What do I want or need from this person or situation? What do they want or need from me?  Is there a compromise?
26. What would be the consequences of responding the way I usually do?
27. Is there another way of dealing with this? 
28. What would be the most helpful and effective action to take? (for me, for the situation, for the other person)
29. What could I gain/lose?
30. What will I do?

If this blog has been helpful then please do leave a comment. If you, a friend or relative would like support in managing your stress or anxiety please get in touch via our website West of England Coaching and Counselling.

Stress Management

Do you ever think now 'I can't cope...this is too much' about work, personal or relationship issues?


Do you feel anxious, angry or depressed or perhaps all three?


Do you notice your heart racing, tense muscles, headaches, difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, restlessness, irritable bowel, sleeping disturbances, eating more or less, drinking more alcohol, upset, shouting, arguing...?


The first step is to identify what is making you stressed and then you can then either remove the triggers or change your response to them.


Say for example, it's your career and you are stressed about possible redundancy and the financial implications of this.


In this case you are not in control of removing the trigger - the redundancy threat - but you are in control of how you to choose to view it. 


You can stress and feel sorry for yourself or you can take action by updating your CV and use your network to identify job opportunities.


No one is saying that life stresses are always easy to handle, however, there is often a solution if we stay calm and in control.


What tools are useful for staying calm and in control? Here are ones that I have used, some of which I continue to use:

• Mindful extended breathing
• Relaxation CD with progressive muscle relaxation
• Focus fully on an activity
• Pampering e.g. aromatherapy massage
• Exercise - especially yoga
• Help others
• Be with others - i.e. your friends and family
• Keep a gratitude journal
• Have a regular enjoyable hobby, interest
• Prioritise
• Say no - Not for now
• Write down your thoughts and feelings
• Positive self-talk/affirmations e.g this is temporary and will pass
• Healthy eating
• Cut down on caffeine and alcohol

One of my clients has each of the above tools written down on slips of paper in a box and each day she picks one out (like angel cards) to focus on.


I think that I know a bit about this because I used to stress about the smallest of hitches and now I definitely 'don't sweat the small stuff' or even bigger things that I cannot do anything about, for example, the economy, job security, impact on pension...


I do take action though when things don't go as I expect and I do make a plan. After all, we must recognise that worrying is futile. 


We are better off thinking about our outcome and planning a way forward.


So, if you are currently worried about losing your job update your CV, share it with your network and make a plan to find another employment opportunity.


We are currently working with a number of clients on helping them find a way forward following redundancy or helping them to prepare for redundancy. If this is you please get in touch via West of England Coaching and Counselling.

Sleeping Problems?

A client visited me for the first time today and during discussions he revealed that he had not been sleeping properly for some time.

Why is not sleeping properly such an issue?

Whilst we may suffer little negative consequence from the odd sleepless night, over a period of time the negative consequences of sleeplessness will become apparent.

We all know people who are able to function well on less than the generally recommended average of 8 hours per night.

I think you'll agree that the gold test is whether you are able to function well during waking life after a lack of sleep. If not, you may need to take action.

Why is sleeping so important and what can I do to improve it?

In summation good sleep involves two types of sleep that alternate throughout the sleep period:

• Regenerative Sleep
• REM (Rapid Eye Movement) Sleep

During Regenerative Sleep we rest and restore so that we awake with energy to expend during our waking life.

During the REM Sleep we deal with problems through mataphors i.e. dreaming and resolve them so that 'we have the answers in the morning'. Hence the old addage 'sleep on it' i.e. the issue, problem or decision.

You do dream even if you do not remember them. However, some drugs will restrict or stop REM completely.

If we do not get enough sleep - your sleep needs are unique so apply the gold test above - both types of sleep will be impacted. If this goes on for some time you can run into difficulties.

What stops us from getting good sleep?

You may already know that caffeine in the afternoon / evening, eating a heavy meal or using technology before bed, being too hot or cold may impact your sleeping in a negative way.

Therefore, having a routine such as, going to bed at the same time and avoiding some or all of the above can help.

Other than the above key reasons, you may not be sleeping enough due to worries, problems, unresolved issues, fears, anxiety, stress, anger or depression.

If you are suffering from any one or more of the above your sleep may be negatively impacted to a greater or lesser degree.

If you are suffering from one or more of the above your 'stress bucket' is not being emptied and - left unaddressed - your performance during the day (e.g your productivity at work, relationships with others and your level of self-care) will all be impacted.

One of the best things you can do to restore your sleep is to relax immediately before bed (don't use the TV or work as this actually raises your stress levels) with a hot bath or listening to a relaxation CD.

If you have found this blog useful please leave a comment.

If you would like one of our relaxation CDs and for all of your coaching and counselling needs please visit our website West of England Coaching and Counselling.

Improving Your Thinking

How do you think that your core beliefs and 'rules for life' affect your thinking as events happen?

I was recently working with a client who in many contexts in life is positive, pretty flexible and easy going. Then she was involved in a serious non-fault car accident.

After the car accident my client experienced post traumatic stress symptoms including regular day and nigh-time flashbacks following which the same sorts of questions came up in her mind - 'How could that driver be allowed on the road?' and 'I cannot trust other drivers anymore'.

My client's relevant 'rules for life' relating to this were quite rigid e.g. only competent drivers should be allowed on the road - because of course this is not the case and despite the characteristics of the driver - including their being regarded as 'old' - this was a car 'accident'.

These rules for life and core beliefs were causing negative thinking and in turn negative emotions and communication whenever she thought about the accident and in talking with others.

This was reinforcing and compounding negative thoughts in her brain and eventually, unable to control these negative thought and emotions, she came to see me.

As well as negativity around the car accident incident my client had also started thinking about other negative experiences from way back in her life that had seen her rules and core beliefs undermined in some way.

We know that this is the subconscious mind's way of protecting us and causing a 'fight or flight response' - responding with the primitive response patterns of anger, anxiety or depression and sometimes two or even three of these.

Once we identified the contextual core beliefs and rules for life that were negatively impacting my clients' thinking she was able to develop more enabling beliefs and flex her rules in this area somewhat.

We then found that her awareness level negative automatic thoughts occurred less and less and within a few sessions she felt calmer about what had happened to her and wise having found out how her mind worked and how to manage and control it.

Anxiety, stress and feeling low or depressed are lonely disabling feelings which you do not have to bear.

If you would like support in addressing any emotions you are suffering with please get in touch via West of England Coaching and Counselling.

Self-Coaching: Making a Start

Are you new to personal coaching? Do you want to improve your life?

A good starting point is to have a go at coaching yourself using the following simple process.

First ask yourself the following question: 'What areas in your life are most important to you?' For example:

1. Health and well-being
2. Family Relationships
3. Work
4. Friends
5. Finances
6. Community

After identifying which areas are important to you, score your satisfaction with each area on a scale of 1-10 - where 1 is 'Most dissatisfied with' and 10 is 'Completely happy with'.

The rule here is to scale each area based upon your gut feeling towards them.

Having scored yourself, prioritise your list from 1-6 and if you want to have more than 6 areas that's fine.

For the next 6-or-so days work down the list and take one action which raises your scaling by 1 point.

For example, if your top priority is health and well-being and you scored yourself a 4, what action could you take today to raise that scaling score to 5?

An answer could to this question could be to eat a healthy meal for supper or go for a walk for an hour.

After this period give yourself a week off, then repeat the exercise and until you are consistently achieving a self-scaling of 8, 9 or even 10.

You may not want a week off in between actions but it is there if you want it.

The idea of this self-coaching is that it is quite straightforward and most people find it quite easy to do.

Sometimes, however, motivation, goal setting and taking action require support and there's nothing wrong with that.

If you are some one who likes exercising with a partner, having a personal coach is a similar concept.

A personal coach will support, guide and challenge you to achieve often extraordinary results.

Please let me know how you get on with this exercise by leaving a comment and please visit our website at West of England Coaching and Counselling.