Coaching for Action

Are you wanting to take some action but putting it off for some reason?

Quite often procrastination is caused by some negative thinking such as 'I won't pull it off'.

If you want to overcome this and get on with what you really wish to do then please read on.

First, accept that worry, apprehension, anxiety - even dread and panic - are just mental states that only exist in your head.

Second, recognise your fear when it happens - the feeling in your body, the thoughts of alarm - and verbally describe to yourself what you are feeling.

Even better - write this down as you will then move from emotional to intellectual control of these kinds of negative-thoughts and so start to experience the fear passing. Notice that the awareness that contains fear is itself never fearful.

One technique to help you to overcome all of the subconscious barriers to action, which we assimilate from childhood through to adult life, is to cultivate an inner protector which is highly resourceful.

Perhaps you will develop an inner protector who is reassuring, encouraging, supportive and strong and will  help you stand up to those negative voices in your mind.

It is a realistic, honest, solid, caring teacher or coach who reminds you of the good things about you and your world.

Having an inner protector will help you to draw on your pre-frontal mental capacities to assess the following about the negative thoughts you have:

• What is the chance that the feared event or consequence will happen? 
• How bad would it be? 
• How long would it last? 
• What could I do to cope? 
• Who could help me?

Most fear from expectations is exaggerated as your brain is 'hard-wired' to be negative having developed from a starting point that helped early man to avoid being eaten.

Your feeling fearful on the point of or during attack is acceptable. However, it is not when you are caught up with some carrot or stick where it is unbalancing and unsettling.

So, when a fear arises within you, ask yourself the following questions:

• What options do I actually have? 
• How could I use my inner resources to move forward with what I really want?

It might help you to practise essentialism by asking yourself 'What are the facts?' rather than letting your emotional mind high jack your intellect and make things up.

Not surprisingly, studies have shown that appraising a situation more accurately leads to greater positive emotions which encourage us and fewer of the negative ones which hold us back (Gross and John 2003).

Another technique to help you to move more calmly through your life is finding a refuge which provides you with some sanctuary and protection so you can let your guard down and build your strength.

For example, my refuge is the countryside around my home where I walk our dog and where I find myself being literally refuelled by Nature. It clears my head for the next challenge.

You can have more than one refuge - potential refuges include good company, certain activities (reading, bathing, exercise to name a few), places and intangibles like a sense of who you are.

Please leave your comment on this blog and if you'd like to discuss your own needs at an initial meeting please visit our website at West of England Coaching and Counselling.

For Peace of Mind

Perhaps the greatest wisdom I have come across is how to simply and easily achieve peace of mind by focusing on the present.

Yes, there is and will always be pain in this world but if we choose to focus on the negative consequences of pain and not on taking action to achieve the best possible outcome then we will be overcome with anxiety, anger or depression.


According to experts, when we are anxious, we lose intellectual control and our 7-year-old emotional mind takes over - Not great for resolving adult problems and issues.

From my previous blogs you will know that when we create negative thought patterns through negative introspection about the past - i.e. 'I should not have done x, I should have done y, I should have said x, I should not have said y' - or negatively forecasting the future - i.e.'That will not go well, I will fail, I will not have enough time etc.' - we become anxious because our minds do not distinguish between our thoughts and reality.

It makes sense then to think about happy memories when we reflect on the past and - when planning the future - if we choose to predict outcomes to predict positive ones.

This way we avoid anxiety and stay in intellectual control, behaving in a way synonymous with our real adult age.

I tell clients that if this is too difficult then avoid thinking about the past or - if possible - thinking about it 'being as it should be' and factually.

In terms of the future, by all means plan but avoid negative forecasting outcomes - 'If I start dating again I will get hurt again' or 'If I take on that project I will fail'.

By all means take action to mitigate getting hurt - by taking things slowly for example - or to prevent project failure such as proper planning and stakeholder consultation.

It's the same with negative thoughts - we all have them but if you are smart you won't analyse them because it's by analysing negative thoughts that we create anxiety.

This all leads to a really obvious idea that by focusing more on the present, being in the now and mindful, will create greater peace of mind than trying to master good mental habits in relation to the past and the future.

Generally, we do not worry about today. We worry about past actions and future behaviours and issues.

By imagining that you have only today, there is far less scope for angst. By all means plan tomorrow and leave it at that.

We are only ever truly alive in the present and we do not have a crystal ball. Most of the things we worry about never happen anyway.

So enjoy right now and - if you are not enjoying today - take steps to enjoy it more such as incorporating things you love doing into your day and - if possible - finding work that you do enjoy.

I hope that blog creates new insights and that whatever your situation you are able to incorporate some of these ideas into your daily life.

If you would like to know more please visit our website at West of England Coaching and Counselling and get in touch.

Are You Overcome By Negative Thoughts?

The truth is that we all have negative thoughts at least some of the time.

Our ancestors have dictated that our minds and more specifically our amygdalas are 'tuned' to be alert to the negative aspects of life - us, others and the world.

The salient point is how you react to your negative thoughts.

Most people seek help when they are overcome by their negative thoughts and 'cannot get peace'.

The truth is that by this stage the individual is analysing their negative thoughts and literally letting them be run by them.

The secret - odd and simultaneously simple it may seem - is to not analyse your these kinds of thoughts.

Through not analysing negative thoughts you are effectively not handing over your power to your negative vigilant subconscious and emotional mind which controls them.

How do you bring this about and stop yourself automatically getting sucked into analysing and being overcome by your negative thoughts?

A really simple technique which I and clients of mine have used is to imagine the negative thoughts passing by - rather like metaphorical clouds in your mind - with a comment such as 'Ah that's an interesting thought' without passing judgement on or analysing them in any way.

This takes away the 'negative' labels away from the thought and with it any alarming connotations and associations.

I read extensively on this subject and over time I have become absolutely convinced we can experience greater peace by taking control in this simple way.

Let me know how you get on by responding to this blog and please do let your friends and contacts know about our website - West of England Coaching and Counselling.

Improving Your Thinking

How do you think that your core beliefs and 'rules for life' affect your thinking as events happen?

I was recently working with a client who in many contexts in life is positive, pretty flexible and easy going. Then she was involved in a serious non-fault car accident.

After the car accident my client experienced post traumatic stress symptoms including regular day and nigh-time flashbacks following which the same sorts of questions came up in her mind - 'How could that driver be allowed on the road?' and 'I cannot trust other drivers anymore'.

My client's relevant 'rules for life' relating to this were quite rigid e.g. only competent drivers should be allowed on the road - because of course this is not the case and despite the characteristics of the driver - including their being regarded as 'old' - this was a car 'accident'.

These rules for life and core beliefs were causing negative thinking and in turn negative emotions and communication whenever she thought about the accident and in talking with others.

This was reinforcing and compounding negative thoughts in her brain and eventually, unable to control these negative thought and emotions, she came to see me.

As well as negativity around the car accident incident my client had also started thinking about other negative experiences from way back in her life that had seen her rules and core beliefs undermined in some way.

We know that this is the subconscious mind's way of protecting us and causing a 'fight or flight response' - responding with the primitive response patterns of anger, anxiety or depression and sometimes two or even three of these.

Once we identified the contextual core beliefs and rules for life that were negatively impacting my clients' thinking she was able to develop more enabling beliefs and flex her rules in this area somewhat.

We then found that her awareness level negative automatic thoughts occurred less and less and within a few sessions she felt calmer about what had happened to her and wise having found out how her mind worked and how to manage and control it.

Anxiety, stress and feeling low or depressed are lonely disabling feelings which you do not have to bear.

If you would like support in addressing any emotions you are suffering with please get in touch via West of England Coaching and Counselling.

Controlling Negative Thoughts

Can we ever experience only positive thoughts? Maybe. Better ask the Dalai Lama.

You may already know that recurring negative thought patterns [e.g. 'I am so unlucky to have this illness / I am fat / I am hopeless at presentations / I am not good enough...'] cause anxiety because the mind does not distinguish between what we think and what is real.

This generated anxiety causes us to lose intellectual control [your adult age basically] and the uncounscious / sub-conscious / emotional mind takes over.

According to experts this emotional mind has the intellectual age of a 7 year old. Recognise this at all?

Primative Responses

The emotional mind always responds with 3 primitive response patterns that we have inherited from our ancestors - anxiety, anger or depression.

The symptoms can be anything and are unwanted such as not sleeping properly, being stressed and not wanting to go out of the house.

Often symtoms involve us self-medicating and putting something in our mouths such as too much food, drink or cigarettes. Negative thinking is therefore dangerous.

The key then seems to be to think positive thoughts.

Whilst running an executive coaching session today, a client asked what it is like to only experience positive thoughts.

My reply was 'I don't know' because I do experience negative thoughts.

Catch, Challenge, Change

The difference is that I get less because my sub-conscious 'child' knows that the route for negative thoughts is 'catch, challenge, change'.

I explained to the client that this simple technique would help her to experience less negative and more positive thoughts.

The client asked for the fomula which I explained as follows:

1. Catch the negative thought e.g. 'I am going to do a bad job of presenting on Friday'.
2. Challenge the negative thought by asking 'Is this helpful?' - The answer is always 'No'.
3. Change the thought to something  more postive e.g. 'I will prepare well on Thursday afternoon and do a dummy run with a friendly colleague. On Friday I will take some deep breaths and focus on my audience.'

This process helps us to get back into intellectual conscious control. It calms us and stops us from becoming too emotional and losing control.

Over time the unconscious emotional childish mind gradually reduces the amount of 'tantrums' it has and we feel more positive and more in control.

Please let feel free to pass on your comments on this blog? Has it inspired you at all?

Alternatively, please take the opportunity to visit my website West of England Coaching and Counselling as I am passionate about improving lives using our mind and would love to hear from you.