Monday, 3 October 2011

Changing Your Role in Life

Are you fed up with your current role in life, feel that the same things keep recurring and the same behaviours keep repeating themselves? 

You may have reached a point where you feel really uncomfortable - even desperate to change things?

Perhaps you have set some goals and taken some action but you haven't actually changed your deeper beliefs, rules for life and you feel incongruent - like you are living someone else's life almost.

Perhaps you have been doing it all for someone else to make them happy - a parent or spouse - to meet their expectations or what you think their expectations are.

For years my role in the script of my life ran along the lines of doing a job that would make my father proud of me and for years I felt like a square peg in a round hole.

'That's just stupid' I eventually thought. Perhaps you can relate?

I went through a transformation from old to new role in the script where I eventually felt that I was being my authentic self.

My old beliefs were that I would never be good enough - 'I will have to work really hard because I am not clever and on my own because I cannot rely on others, to prove to my Dad that I am good enough and lovable'.

My new beliefs are different - I am and always have been good enough and I can reach out for support whenever I want to.

I prioritise and balance my life so that I am working hard enough and I do something just for me every day - for me it's usually exercise and preparing a fresh meal that make me feel good.

Above all, I remind myself that I am doing good work helping others and that I earn my oxygen, that people respect me and that I am loved just as I am.

My new beliefs have given me peace of mind. 

So, what new beliefs can you start to have that will help you to change your role in your life?

  • Know that everything is happening for a reason and everything is as it should be even when you think this could not possibly be true. Believe it and ask for the strength and courage to be able to see it as true.

  • Aim to change the things you can, accept the things you cannot change and know the difference.

  • Stop beating yourself up for anything you feel you have 'failed at' - failure is only failure if you let it keep you down.

  • If you do things in life sometimes you will fail - learn from it and move on.

  • Be flexible and prepared to let go of the battle to have things your way all of the time.

  • Be honest about the depth of your anger or depression and take action that is helpful to your health and well-being.

  • Be kind to you. Know that we are all flawed, imperfect and spend some time getting to know the real you again - maybe go for a walk on your own at least once a week and do some soul searching.

  • Enjoy the journey, what is happening around you now - the sights, the sounds and enjoy the fact that you are alive, awake and here to experience life on your path at a lovely pace that is just right for you.

  • Expect obstacles on your path and curve balls will continue to be thrown. By expecting these problems you can handle them as best you can whilst still focusing on everything that you are grateful for.

  • Offer gratitude even when you want to do the opposite - moan, complain, cry. When you can connect with a true feeling of gratitude, even when you’re in the midst of massive pain it helps.

  • Find a form of meditation that works for you and aim to just be, letting any thoughts pass without analysis.

  • Let your new role evolve in a time that is appropriate for you - transformation can take years because it is a journey.

Please let me know your thoughts and feelings by writing a comment on this blog and please get in touch via our website at West of England Coaching and Counselling

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